1. My already-suspect hygiene standards have taken a nose dive and I’m reduced to wearing nightgowns as dresses (with leggings!) and putting “Brush hair” on my daily to do list.
2. Everyone in the neighborhood pisses me of because they are “bothering me while I’m at work.”
3. I’ve started counting interactions with delivery personnel as “being social.”
4. Speaking of those poor bastards, a few of them have seen my butt because before I adopted my nightgowns with leggings wardrobe, I wore an ill fitting robe.
5. My middle couch cushion has a me-shaped imprint on it.
6. I’m keeping strange hours, because going to bed at 6:00 am and waking up at 11 am is fine since – Lord help us all – I’m in charge.
7. I’ve started commenting on online articles and, in some instances, have developed an intense dislike for people I’ve never met.
8. Sometimes, working in an office sounds nice.
9. I make elaborate breakfasts then fall back asleep directly after eating them.
10. My cats are my roommates and my coworkers.
